I listened to all our old songs today.
I saw one of my friends, the new ones.
She asked if I was okay..
I told her it hurt a lot.
But it was fine.
But my eyes were dead.

I miss them.
I really, really miss them.
I would do it all again.
All of it.
Everything we went through.
Just for another day with all of them..

I'm learning to appreciate the things I have.
I'm learning to accept that people will always leave me.
I'm learning to live without them.
It hurts, desperately.
I remember one of them saying...
People were always best when they were 12, or 13.
I guess everything had to change..
We grew up.
We're all older.
We're not at that 'awesome age' anymore.

I'm very lucky, even now.
I still have one of my old friends.
And I have a newer one, a little younger.
Whom I love with all my soul.
I would not trade this life for anything.
But if I could go back..
Even if I had to get through everything again.
I would.

It still hurts to listen.
I get flashbacks of the past.
Of me, and our happy conversations.
All our laughs.
Helping each other..
Me, and those six.
I think I'm seeing two of them again, this summer..
It won't be the same.
But though I haven't spoken to them, all six..
Well, I've seen them around.
Things are very different between us.
But I know they're okay, they're safe.
That'll have to be enough for me.

Can you see me now?
Can you see what the girl you used to laugh with has become?
I'm doing okay, guys...
I know I shouldn't care anymore.
I know we all have our own lives now.
But I do think about you sometimes..
I wonder how you're doing.
I'm doing fine...
I've got some new friends.
I've got two really good ones..
I'm going to Wales next month.
I've gotten a lot taller, and I look a lot different.
Maybe you wouldn't even recognize me.
Maybe you don't want to remember..

I know this journal doesn't make any sense.
I'm just venting, k? x3
You'll hear about it if it concerns you.
It's not the past I have to look at.
Or in the future I'll be sad about missing what I have now..
My best friend, and my little sister, and the life we have together (:

You know who you are.
I do love you. :3



We've waited far too long to
Watch it all crash and fall-through,
So when you feel like shit, you gotta keep on pushing
If you saw the world through my eyes,
Then you wouldn't feel so high-rise
It's time to take a chance
You've gotta sit back
And hold tight

There's forces working in our heads
But we don't understand them
I need a map to find my way out all the time
There's curses lurking in our heads
But we don't want to find them
We need to come back down
And face what we've become

The more I think, the more I wish I'd
Pushed stop, then hit rewind
What I would give to have a day back then,
But no-one really cares
I remember when we all used to
Kick back, take days off school
So many times I've smiled
Many times I've cried
But never did we try